At last my love has come along.

Other than first hand experience, I know nothing. Never quote me on anything. It's as fact as your own personal judgement. In other words, it's lacking significant substance and not to be taken literally. In any event, reading past this point is probably pointless. And not recommended.

Now if you lack substance and good judgement altogether, you've continued beyond the previously pointless mention, and I applaud your stupidity. But more so, thank you for your diligence.

Today's topic: Couples. Do opposites really attract or does like attract like? Let's face it, there's no logic in love - people are, in fact, screwed up. (Fact upon fact.)

The following are typical hook-ups that work, and sometimes don't work (ignore the 'first hand experience' fact - this is more an indirect first hand experience - friends of friends of neighbors and distant cousins experience):

1) Carbon copy couples - These are your regular day narcissists. "We look alike. We're awesome, beautiful people. All others fail in comparison."

2) Carbon copy couples - These people rank in the lower scales on the spectrum of said, beautiful people. "We look alike. Love playing Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds. Little Caesars Pizza is Star Trek, Vulcan style delish. Order in."

3) Older man/tanorexic (younger) woman - "Die asshole." Pretty self-explanatory.

4) Loud woman/quiet man - This is ball and chain defined. They each have a role. "Wait, what did you say?" (Pause. Whilst the evil eye further eradicates the already-too-frail ego.) "Exactly. That's what I thought dumb ass."
:Tail between legs:

5) Obnoxious man/meek woman - "Bitch. Sit down." Jesus loves this union...err, marriage. Right?

6) Cougar/child - Sex.Is.Good.

7) Arty/arty - This union leads a self-inflicted melancholy life and have a 'everyone else is clueless' mentality. Chances are, they would choose suicide rather than admit to being almost identical to couple #1. The small difference, however, they find beauty in their hair grease, and notice the significance of the red dot in the misunderstood painting.

8) Yuppy/yuppy - An unfortunate display of 'know how' and wasted space. These two run their circles with pristine accuracy. Put them in a circle outside of buffy status, and the information pouring out of their mouth will sound like their 18th Century old money ancestors. This couple behind closed doors (See #5.)

9) Trashy/trashy - These are your 'wow' couples, well deserving, and arguably, incapable-of-not worthy of a stare. But, and let it be known, they madly, deeply love each other and aren't afraid to lick the love (or stale beer) right off of each other. In your presence even.

Epiphany: There is logic in love after all. To each their own.


***End note, the above unions/common law/marriages (in some states) include: gay, lesbian, bi, hetero, transgender, hermaphrodite, and every race/culture of demented people under the sun. Which reminds me, I can't wait to run home to gaze into the eyes of my mirrored perfection!