Inhale inheritance, exhale extravagance.

Tradition is generally a good thing in my book. I almost believe in certain role playing when it comes to the male/female species (feminazis, take a breather and relax.) But when it comes to dating, or initiating an encounter, I have a little trouble with how my role is to successfully play itself out. I'm definitely, what I would call, too cool for words, which is a problematic problem to have. Sometimes I try to 'cool' the coolness down, for my own good, but find the diluting of cool-drip counterproductive. All the same, my uber-off-the-radar cool factor often gets in the way of reality. Because let's face it, when shit hits the fan, we're all pretty damn nerdy. The skills we front, the false bravado we exclaim, is deep down, the most inauthentic way to live (side note: if you are in fact a seeker of self-actualization, Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs should help you along this road; assuming you have your basic needs met. If you're reading this via your own personal pc/mac, it's a safe bet you have food, water, and air entering your lungage. Move on up the pyramid, and exhale.)

That being said, I'm not going to be cool anymore. Hence, I'm welcoming myself into the 21st Century, although I am still mindful of what my father has told me time and again, "Deb, if a fella is interested, he'll let you know it." I'm also well aware that in addition to the cool that spews through my pores, I can, and do exude an added intimidation-I-don't-need-you-in-my-life persona to many a-men. Or so I've been told I do this, and I've been told one too many times. This ridiculousness has got to stop.

Digging my feet in the ground, I'm at a "now what?" point in the road, which reminds me of a few lines from my favorite Robert Frost poem, The Road Not Taken,

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

For me, the road less traveled will mean I let go of my deep-rooted personal social norms, specifically, when it comes to dating and men. The traditional roles of men and women in our world, not the 1960's folks, but in today's game, have changed somewhat. As it goes, I'm going to roll with the times, or at the very least, try my best. Even though, traditionally, men do the approaching and do the initial phone calling business, it's the women that in all actuality, rein 'em in. So here goes, I can rein 'em in, and I shall rein 'em in! No more cool. No more intimidation.

Dad, I'm still sticking to tradition, but having a little fun with it.

Oh yes son I'm talking to you.

The list of old (must be/have/or just must):

1. Character (of the quality kind)
2. Intelligent
3. Shower...daily
4. Looks
5. Shoes (Should be at the top of the list. For those who know me, know this.)
6. Integrity
7. Sporty
8. A listener
9. Genuine
10. J-O-B
11. Considerate
12. Chivalrous
13. Tall
14. Great cologne
15. Sense of style
16. Candor
17. Reflective
18. Passionate
19. Polite
20. Charismatic
21. Wise
22. Strong
23. Sensible
24. Sensitive
25. A traveler
26. Romantic
27. Charitable
28. Perceptive
29. Empathic
30. Good laugh
31. Nice smile
32. Man's man
33. Sensitive
34. Kind eyes
35. Great shoes (refer to #5)
36. Smell nice (refer to #3 and #14)
37. Insightful
38. Courteous
39. Tender
40. I don't want no scrub. Period.

The list of new:

1. (The lyrical genius recorded circa 1999 by TLC, "No Scrubs," says it best.)
2. That, and (See 1 through 40 in previous list.)

Just say it.

I found myself in a precarious position this past weekend. I seem to manage to do this quite frequently. So it's no longer an awkward or uncomfortable place for me anymore. I've learned to embrace my inability for censorship. I'd like to think I'm just a master of fluidity. Unfortunately, the victims of my mastery probably don't feel at ease with my self-proclaimed supremacy in this area. My response: Deal with it. Or ignore it. Or please, feel free to tell me like it is, if need be. Which segways me into my point. (Mind you, tangents are a regular part of my communication. Without it, I'd be coined mute.)

A week ago, I was seriously, and rather harshly, put in my place by a guy, of whom I barely know. We were out with a group of mutual friends, and he straight out, called me on my 'inappropriate' sarcasm. Thing is, he didn't recognize that my sarcastic response was said in jest. As it goes, his response to me was not said in jest. Basically, he ranted on about how he didn't appreciate my comments, and he believed I was just being "cocky" and in the future, it's best not to say things in a manner that will piss him off.

Wow dude. Seriously, relax. But even though a big part of me was shocked and annoyed with his off-the-wall interpretation of my previous remarks, there was the bigger part of me that genuinely appreciated his feedback. Because how many people are honest and to the point these days? Not many.

Amazingly enough, I end up in the same venue this past weekend with Mr. Honesty. I have to say, we've found a common ground and are in pretty good terms at this point. We've since had a laugh or two over our original encounter. But, and naturally, our candidness remains on a continuum.

Upon his arrival, Mr. Honesty somehow manages to corner me onto a couch (refrain from dirty thoughts) and a lengthy conversation ensues. I really can't recall the nature of how he smoothly transitioned us into this unfortunate situation, but he did. And let me point out, I am not into this dude. I am, however, beginning to think he's into me. Eff! We eventually get into a discussion about dating & relationships, and I manage to get the cajones to let him know that I could potentially be interested in another person across the room.

Can you say shock! Well, say it. Because it's true. Mr. Honesty is in complete disbelief that I've disregarded his 'come ons' altogether and let him into a world that is generally not shared with men who are, shall we say, a practical stranger, and one who has expressed interest. You want to guess what he had to say about my diarrhea of the mouth? I'll spare you the suspense:

"Um, okay. Did you just tell me you have interest in "him"? Are we not having good conversation right now? I really thought we were hitting it off. Wow. I've never met anybody like you before. Aren't we hitting it off?"

Me: "Sorry."

I was essentially rendered speechless. Oh hell! (Why, why why exactly? (FYI, one of my very favorite FOTC lyrics!)) Really though, how and why do these things happen to me? Probably because I really do "just say it." If you can't stand the heat bitches....!

Here's the positive, he now knows I'm not interested in him.

Now about that guy from across the room.

To be continued....