Collector of men.

I was talking to a friend the other day. She tells me, "Deb, brace yourself for this, but 'so and so' said he believes you're a "collector of men" and his friend feels the same way, in fact, he called you a "player" too. After a laugh, and some consideration, I'm convinced protective mechanisms work.

I am not going to fib on my Innit blogspot, I do have male friends. However, I do not sit around counting the dollar value of this so-called collection, like perhaps I did back-in-the-day with my soarly missed Garbage Pail Kids cards. It was a sad day, if my memory serves me right. I left them in Germany, underneath our wooden plank floors. It was a safe place, or so I thought, as my brother couldn't find them. Turns out, they don't appear to be worth much today. Still, I loved those things. And cried on the plane ride over when I had realized they weren't in my possession. This collection is long gone, the memories still so vivid....

I really haven't collected anything since. Maybe it has something to do with the post-trauma of my GPK loss? I'm not opposed to collection, however; my Grandfather had the most amazing stamp and train collection, of which I took great interest in. I even admired my brother's baseball card collection, spending countless nights flipping through the Beckett price guide with him. His pog collection was also a point of interest. It makes sense that these materialistic goods are viewed as collector's items, but men? A collection of men? Seriously? Ridiculous.

Again, I do have my male friends, and I'm a strong believer that these friends keep me open to the possibility of finding somebody beyond the friendship definition at some point. And as previously mentioned, keeping a guy "just a friend" is a by product of my self-protection, that's certainly served me well for the last, say, 5 years or so. I've had small "more than friends" encounters, but nothing I'd call super significant. (Sorry to those "more than friends" encounters, who may flip through this entry. No harm intended.)

I'm now at a precarious point. I'm not sure if it's the timing - where I am in my life, but I'm running into 'prospects' much more often these days. I know this has everything to do with my personal life circumstances. The defense mechanism, although still vaguely present, is no longer a massive barrier. I can see through my wall now - part of my personal growth involves the creation of an innate technological gadget allowing me visual penetration, some call it x-ray vision - a helpful tool I commonly use. I also admit, I want a dude who believes I'm worth going after. I'm not in it to play games or collect an assortment; but I am looking for the one that'll stand out from the rest of the pack. And I also recognize that it'll mean, I'm the girl that has to stand out from the rest of his other "just a friend" girls in his circle. It's a two way street. Call me a collector, I'm cool with that. As far as I'm concerned, men have been collecting for too long, women generally waiting patiently on the sidelines. Frankly, I've never been that girl who's happy playing right bench.

Center mid - my position on the field, my position in life.